|
Monday, June 29
Inalilah, seorang lagi insan dalam family besar ini pergi dengan tenang sekali lagi. I may not have been close to him but his close at heart and i hope his happy with my grandma up there. I dont know how to describe the feelings and yet sorrow your wife and kids are going through. First they lost the grandma then the dad, now ive lost a grandma and an uncle. You died so suddenly , no sickness with full strength and might, you came back from trying to find money for your family at home but yet on the way you went. And left your loved ones in full pain. Your lost has meant a lot to us as a family since the person who hit you did a "hit and run" and didnt want to own up to the pain that they have caused. How could them leave such a big mess, leave you laying there full of pain, no strengh to explain. I miss you uncle. The dearest apologies for not being able to celebrate with you and get to know you better. The tears we all cry for you will end up stoping but the thoughts of you will currently play at the back of our minds like the flow of the river.I miss you uncle, why did you have to go , so sudden so quick i was just getting over grandmas passing. I miss you moree, im asking again why did you have to go? Your children ill take care of, ill give them an eye a teddy they can hug. I love you, yes you may not know this. But your apart of this family . Ill miss you, and ill never forget you . Please rest in peace. Al fatihah ... Sunday, June 28 one more week till i get a BIGGGG rest from the school life well reaaly its only for 2 weeks. But its better then nothing. I have to hang out and go out with friends im dieing to see the city. I havent seen it in ages i dont care if i dont have shopping money as long as im out and about that'll be fine. Havent been up to much today apart from cleaning my roon again. I can never be happy with the way my room is hehe, So it revolves in me changing it every sunday. I had a fantastic time at work, no one was shouting apart from david wasnt in such a bright mood until he got his free fish and chups hahaha:P I just finished doing my homework Maths and Business. WAIT shit i havent done the reportt dang it. i have a headache i actually want to be sick. Im so up with homework assignments. I have 2 assignments due in on friday but i cant be fucked doing them. Im tired of school i want to get a breakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk:(( chocolatee. i miss it alottt!! Friday, June 26 So, havent been updating latley opps! Been busy with school and besides ive been in a very cant be stuffed mood. My prays have been anwserd and im now over pesa , Alhamdulilah. Tuhan sudah mengizinkanya. I have had an okey thursday and friday , i can say the weather aint perfect at all, but my heart is at peace at last. FEW!. Slowly pulling back to the original heart shape. HEHE. Tomorrow there should be a video Blog posted, if not sometime next week. Mummy hasnt payed the bill so the connection is still slow, well not untill the bill is payed. YES!, im officially starting indonesian by side next term . NO MORE HISTORY WUHUUUU!, means no more bad marks, ekk! i hope. Whats happening tomorrww... ahh work, haha i soo cant be stuffed but its money so run run run . Issue in these past 2 days;
So those are the issues and i need to solve. By next week hopefully. YEYE next weeks the last week of school and then its the holidays ! wuhuuu no money but hopefully i can release my tension wuhu!!!!!!! ahaha thats all guys Tuesday, June 23 OK, so im kinda in and out thinking and not thinking of pesa. Hmm But i think soon id be over him, i know its done ne damage because i cant really think straight so its the 23rd June 2009 and im typing this at 7.30pm Should be doing my accounting and finance assignment but im chatting my way on msn with friends. i havent updated my blog in ages so i shall go over the 2 days i missed out. So on saturday i did a video blog i was missing pesa to much that i just had to cry. I do still love him, thats the truth. Hmm So i should be getting over pesa and just start a new life, i dont know why its this hard. It never was with ASLAM or any of my other ex's. The pain keeps on dragging on, and i cant stop looking at his profile! SEE all these comments , it hurts me. It shouldnt, AYU HIS NOT YOURS!!!!!!!!. Kenapa, seksanya hari tanpa dia? Ya Allah, Kenapa begitu pedih perpisahan ini. Hari hari indah kini semakin gelap. I didnt know, it was going to be this painfull. A question became a break up. ARGHHH TUHAN, Why did you create the love i had for pesa. It dosent seem to die or fade away . Why does this hurt so much tuhan? Every song that comes on reminds me of him. Shreads me in tears, someone please kill me! i cant live without you. I cant live without you I cant live without you! Remember bubu, you promised me. I was your baby penguin and you were baby panda. Names that described us both. How could you leave me, in a world so dark and quiet. Why is it so dark, that i cant seem to see my future. Have we just broken up for a while? will we meet again? i dont know but i love you so much to regret being with you. I have many lining up to be with me, but my hearts with you, it will folllow you until your very last breath i promise you. I might hurt guys heart in the process of trying to get over you I dont know. WHY DO I LOVE YOU????? kenapa susah sangat, aku nak terima perpisahan ini. KENAPA? kenapa pedih sangat awak. Kenapa ? 5 more months before i go back to malaysia. 5 months before your b'day. I dont know how im going to manage being in malaysia not texting you but other people. Im trying so hard to not get in contact with you. But when the phones ringing i always hope its you. But its not, it would be a dream come true, i just want to hear your voice. PLEASE? ill wait. i sure will, if we are never going to be together again, then you'll always be in my mind . Il keep you safe in my heart , ill keep you close to me just like a shadow that always follows me. Ive got nothing but support in me .. People begging for me to get over you. Yes i appreciate it, but i cant get over you. enough of this love talk i have heaps more to tell you. So ive got repect from all my company members, I yelled at Ms Trisal at the meeting. GOT THE ANGER OUT ON HER. Luckily she didnt yell back. hehe the business plan is due in! hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Sunday, June 21 Not such a great start to the day, My dad didnt go to work which meant no more sleeping in. Got woken up at 8am my dad knockin on the door as if there was a pot of gold in my room . They were going to the masjid bt because of my period i stayed home. Hmm, it was 9.30am, this is the time when i would useually call pesa. Hmm, babe i miss you. AHH GET OVER IT AYU. fanaticly i didnt do anything today, i tried doing a video blog, bt it woudnt save on youtube. Pissed me off it took me 3 time to action a 7min blog, luckliy my broadband was fast. Weather hasnt changed but the wind was wuh! Went to work today and got payed. Not enough lah still searching for a new job. Oh look its raining. ehehe Im actually in an okey mood now, To tell you the truth. Someones aboout to steal my heart, i dont know weither i should be with him or not. Im still heart broken from pesa. But this guy has already called me for hours and is online 24/7 with me, I dont want to rush into things at the moment. just really want to get over PESA. really did hurt me bubu. Ah school school school, so i should be doing indonesian by side next semester and ACE IT good. fuck history, i failed that subject. mmmmmmmmmmmmm SAYA SAYANG IKAN KELI hahaha saja je ckp cause i know he'd be reading this ahaha Friday, June 19 Apart from waking up with completely puffy eyes from crying the whole day yesterday. What else could go wrong today? The weather was shit Rainy dark windy! like useuall get ready for school and drag myself to learn. It was cold, and the first day i felt so lonley, I felt as if i was walking alone and all my friends werent there. First class was maths. To make things worster we had a test on space. Had tears in my eyes becase i was still in pain from the breakup. And i wasnt expecting the test. I swear i didnt do well in it. I could of wrote his name a thousand times instead of writting anwsers to questions. I hate being here, its the reason we broke up. I want to be in Malaysia i hate it here i hate it here. Why wasnt i born in malaysia proudly born happily smiling everyday. Why? is it me, or was the breakup excuse lame? you tell me. I dont want to be in a relationship with anyone, im still shatterd inside. Schools not helping me but i hope it gets better. Im hoping for the best because i feel like im going to start hurting myself. My relationship with mama hasnt been well at all after the phone bill. She hasnt said anything to me, if she does its in a " i dont want to talk to you" voice. I swear i regret calling him that much, when look now, i dont get anything out of it but pain and regret. I took a look at his profile, its change my face is no longer shown on his profile, my name is no where to be seen. Fair enough we have broken up so i dont expect it to be on there. But the who id like to meet part on his profile has shown me how much his changed. He seems to be a diffrent person now. i miss you pesa ...... :( I cried again today, cried myself to sleep so i wouldnt get puffy eyes. woke up and did the everyday routine and sat on myspace for a while didnt get as much comments but got heaps of friend requests. Hate it when they add u but dont comment u. Whats the point in adding then right? Hmm my internet keeps on failing. Stupid weather . hope tomorrws a better day, if not then ill just have to live with it. The pain is still inside me. I dont think i can get anymore stronger im in tight tears now. Why does it hurt so much? i mean, i was expecting it to happen, he was diffirent but it hurts knowing im not his. and he's not mine. Theres no more Faeira , its just wan mohd faisal and ayuazira now. If i were there id give the biggest hug . He doesent know how much im dieing without him. My sweet baby panda. I miss you sayang :( Thursday, June 18 Akhirlah hubungan aku dan pesa hrini 31march 2009-18 june 2009. My relationship is over between pesa. i dont know how to describe the feelings inside me. Im in a lot of pain and strugling to hold the pain back. Ive got red eyes , black eye bags from crying to much. i never thought id be hurt the 13th time by a guy like him. Im so hurt i dont think i can do anything else other then cry. Ill take you inside our break up. Message from me to pesa: hri ni i bru dpt fone billfone bill mlmbung dn i tkde duit nk byar mama i blik.Kita dah jarang sangt contact dn i rasa bersalah gila terhadap mama dan papa. I org susah you. walaupun i kije i ada bnyk utang i kne selesaikan. Boleh tak you contact i? i online selalu sbb i nk contact dgn you:(i thu you ada banyak kije tapi tk kn satu minute pun you tkde ntuk i? i rasa cm kita tk couple pun. Tp i rasa cam kita kawan yg de prasn cinta trhdap stu sama lain. PLEASE PULL YOUR FINGER IM BEGGING YOU. cube lah ntuk contact i. i tk sanggup lg nk mnyusahkn mak bapak i. please, call me send me text once in a while? you lngsung tk mnnjukkan u nak contact i. Kita still couple or not? hri sbtu ni i g cari kije. i snggup kije 3 tmpt supaya dpt contact u berusaha kalau nk serious kalau tk. leave me ok iloveyou i always will:(( His reply To me: mcm nie je lah bb.kite break je lah.kesian plak i tngok u..i bz lah..ibnyak keje nak kene bwt..lg pown kite jauh susah nak contact..nak kne gune duet bnyak..bkn i x ske u. i ske u tp jauh sngat lah.i nak contact u pown susah.u nak contact i pown susah.i skrg lg bz. bnyak keje..kite break okey?tp kite still kwn lg taw..susah lah jauh2..sorry u. kite still jd kwn taw.im so sorry.. ;[ Memang Kita break baik baik, tapi effect nye sangat besar.Masih teringat lagi time bru minta couple awal2 i dah cakap, sanggup ke? sy overseas kan. Why does he need to hurt me at the end why did he make me wait.?. The message i sent was sent lastnight and he replied when i was at school. First i was calm but then i started to feel lightheaded and my heart started to rip and shatter. i could fill water just running to my eyes and smiled and said to myself ive been fooled again. I was in accounting and finance when i checked this Ms Trisal wasnt in so stress was off my back. i walked out of class for lunch and slowly made my way to the spot. i sat down and thought about the promises i belived . Our first date, and ofcourse him. i stuck "terprankap cinta" on and sat there and listened to it. Made me cry but no tear yet to be seen. I went in english and i wasnt in the mood for work. I got yelled at for wearing my beanie/hood in class then she said i woke up on the wrong side of the bed and i anwsered back so i had to stay in class and i couldnt go to the concert. I started crying this time tears ran down. luckly no one saw. i felt so down i couldnt think, he was on my mind and playbacks of our moments were in the back of my head. HOW COULD HE HOW COULD HE. left me with a huge amount of phone bills and the promises he didnt make. Got out of english went home and in the car got a lecture from my mum about the bill. i held my tears bt as soon as i took 5 steps in the house i couldnt do anything else but burst out in tears i held my towel and stuck it over my face so every little tear would fall on my towel. i then came online and 5 people asked how my realtionship was and how everything go i was speechless . So i stuck on my cam, from them seeing my tears they could tell what the anwser was. Im still hurt, im still in pain my tears are still running down . I swear i only loved him, and i only wanted him. My fullest attention was for him and this is what i get back i dont want to see him again , im scared il hug him and beg. I dont want to its not me. Message to this guy who said i was sombong: YOU DONT KNOW what ive been through today, And i tak bajet hot. Sbb i mmg tk hot pun nk bajet2 hot Kalau i hot pun i tk bajet kot. kau tu dah besar pun psl aku tk reply comment pun cakap aku sombong blah lah weh aku bkn saja2 babi! Wednesday, June 17 I went over the phone bill and my mum gave me a big lecture about it. Im sorry mama. I dont want to break mama's heart again so this is the last time im going to call anyone with the home fone after this theres no more calling malaysia. I have no idea what my relationship status with pesa is, I feel like weve hell spread apart Makes me think he doesent love me anymore. He hardly contacts me and he doesent seem to try to contact me. His excuses are that his busy. I know he is but he should atleast have 5minutes to spare for me. HMMMM mood= sad and worried. My dad doesent know about the fone bill. I dont know what he'll say. ill probly get yelled at or something. i need a new job. Really2 need a new jobbbbbbb. hmmm Tuesday, June 16 HAHA. funny that joey king arrived today. She got the dates mixed up either way it was really really awkward. I didnt get told of but she just went throught the areas that the business has and what we should be doing. Helped me understand abit more but i got the blame of Ms Trisal doing all the work when i said specificly ill take over the business like WHAT CEO'S are meant to do. But no ms Trisal has to be the boss and then i get the blame. hmmmmmm today was an alright day nice weather. Apart from waiting for my exam results hmm im soo pissed. I wanna know so bad. I talked on the Fone with a friend today for the first time someone from malaysia has called me for more than hour!!!!!! So suprising. But i kinda feel bad. Had a small arguement merajuk thingy with pesa my bby panda. Hmm he got pissed call other people call me penguin, bby,dear,babe,darl. I cant stop what people call me right which he made a big deal of. I dont like that jealousy part. hmm Why's he have to make such a big deal outta it. hmmmm hmmmm hmmmm. Monday, June 15 well first to say joey king didnt turn up and mentor joey didnt turn up either which was a really big boost holding an official meeting was abit harsh on me. I didint know what to do :(( but i tried my best i guess. Im so tired at the moment havent had enuf sleep just got back from school and yeh pretty much naked.:P Laughed a lot today dragana and i made those accencts again while i chatted on imhaha.com. Have to finish of my maths project and hand it in tomorrw. I cant be fucked. Im so tired i just wanna rest while chatting to friends. I need a new job. I just need money to go out and relese the stress i have. I need creditt:((((( i need to shop around .:"(((((((((((((((((( Sunday, June 14 *YAWNS* im still tired. I went to bed at 5.40a.m well really i guess i ended the long long talk at that time not quite sure what time i actually doozed of in my own world. Woke up at 9a.m because i was meant to go practise kompang at the masjid at 10a.m but didnt happen so im staying home. GOSH Yesterday was so much fun, i ended up getting sore cheeks from smiling and laughing to much. hehe memories. but today im bored as. Nothing to do.I have the meeting tommorw:(( nervousssss. i dont want to stuff up! ehhhhhhhhhh hmm i mish him already. Saturday, June 13    I know ive already posted a blog today but ohwell anyways i had heaps of funn today even though i didnt end up doing to the city. I stayed home and took pictures and obviously webcamed First pic is a snapshot of AWAn talked to him through msn for hours non stop made weird jokes i swear i had the most fun out of it!. The second pic is of me From ym the time i was im FARIS (LOWER PIC) hehe we make faces like kids all the time we talked throughout the whole day but stoped in between hehe. Sorry for not seeking your permission faris and awan . But i had heaps of fun todayy:D      THE PICTS I TOOK Another halfish dark day, hardly any sun out, which means ayu chooses to wear dull colours. Got woken up by my bro who was singing that tokyo drift song. ANDDD he got yelled at. I wouldnt be suprised if i end up being in a bad mood today now or soon :P. Same routine woke up didnt slip this time bcause i cleaned my room ! wott woot. The light wasnt as bright today bcause i woke up at 9a.m didnt walk through the wall. i moved and said "in your face wall" haha it politely stayed there and didnt move. Went for my showerrr, did lil bit of facial scrubed here scrubed there washed my hair with pantene and safii smells so good. Rinsed and bla bla bla Im out. Stuck my infrared lingerie on, then cream, powderr,deoderent ,tights then dress then cardigan thingo. DONE DONE DONE. Say byebye to my mummy coz she was on her way going to the mosque and ah, home alone like usuall. Decides to take new pictures AND POSE POSE POSE AWAY;p current mood; MEH, i got to talk to my boyfie today on the phone. Mish him soo mch! Bt he was still half asleep so i thought of just putting the fone down and ill just hug my foofieee*bbypnda*. I have a headache, i swear im gonna be sick soon. Oh last night i editied my myspace hehehe. First attempt in touching already made htmlcodes. and it actually turned out good. AT THIS POINT IN TIME: stressing about the business meeting with Joey King on Monday. Im scared ill stuff up infront of her because im meant to look as professional as i can. Being the CEO AND ALSO the chairperson on Monday stuffs alot up actually especially when half the company are lacking off. Didnt know it was this hard to manage 28 staff. Hmm, needa learn more management skills so i can win the business person of the year. huuu wish me luck guys! thats all for today i guess folks, if anything happens ill probly post one up straight away Friday, June 12 Not the perfect weather but oh well you get that. Woke up to find myself in a whole pile of cushions and sexy lingerie(singlets) DID I FALL ASLEEP CLEANING? the anwsers yes. Living in a society where cleanliness in the room isint tht important ROCKS! so i got my big fat ass of my bed and fell down to the grown becoz i slipped on my stipy black and pink socks. GRRR i gotta bruise on my knee ok? STILL DARK i make my way to the door and gosh this light flashed my eyes. and i ran to the bathroom with my eyes closed and had a war with the wall. It wouldnt move so me being the smart one. WALKED INTO IT. Found myself in the bathroom and that is where my shower story stops. 7.10AM still sittin infront of the mirror with my towel wraped around my head and dress hallf undone. i make my way back and forth walking in circles in my room trying to find where my make up bag is. IT WAS SITTING IN FRONT OF THE MIRROR ALL A LONGG! errrrrhhh.. TIME TO GET READY Make my way to school get there and put a real smile on when i see amy. FOR ONCE IM NOT A LONER. she has to sit an exam so suck on tht bitch jokesjokes. Sit and stare for a while, i wait for my serb to come. but i end up seeing the serb guy firstt. HAA soo cute in his lil red jacket. Then i see my girl serb and she walks away from me -.- AND I FAKE CRYING and ask for her to give my pencil case back. falalalala its 8.30am time to get to business school and work. Making it breif business class finishes at 9.30 but i ended up going home in the arvo. Had to get some material from spotlight for the business. OMGGGG I SWEARRR I HATE GOING TO SPOTLIGHT WITHOUT ANYMONNEY. ahahah. \ Do you know how weird it is being outside of school with a teacher? she drives like crazy lol! ahahaha ANYWAY THTS ALL FOR TODAY Something happened to me yesterday/ i fogot hold on let me remmber it *pause* ohh ye yes i got forced to go naked on webcam again. I swear guys think im a slut. I HATE IT FUCK OF YOU Desprate loserrs! why dont you go somewhere called "slutmania" oh and the other thing, even though u have a boyfriend and they say they like you and all they just dont get it ay. LIKE GET A LIFE., PLENTY OF FISHES IN THE SEAAAA YAAAA?hmm and i really hate it when people ask me to go naked on webcam. Common sense guys, im 16 im underage not really but like SEX ISINT EVRYTHINGGGG grrr! konon2 aku cute, padahal nak aku bogel perghh blah lah sial ingat aku ni pornstar jepun kee. PERGHH PERGHH PERGHH hahaha GERAM GUEE thats all for today shall be back tomorrw BECAUSE IM GOING TO THE CITY NEH NEH NEH NEH NEH. BYEYE Tuesday, June 9  A young yet bossy girl nameed Ayuazira, born in Perth Australia 28th September 1993 Rockingham/Kwinana Hospital. Malaysian / Singaporean blood in me. Makes me so proud to be ASIAN. The oldest out of 4. Currently attending Gilmore College Kwinana. " I find that life is just a very complicated road. It has bumps and curves , rocks and can be smooth. Im the type that hates to be treated badly, The type that quietly, hides the anger. If i dont get what i want. i break out and cry. Im nice to the ones that treat me with care, full respect as a lady, im crazee with the ones im comftable with. but other then that, im so open that you would think your talking to yourself. HAHA Labels: I |
"The girl who dreams bigs , forgets today remembers tomorrow tough outside so warm inside . 19 educated imature little boo!" So blessed to have such a beautiful family , a paying career and a brain that functions quiet well As life is always known as a journey I would call mine a ride on an ever lasting Roller Coaster. I hope your the last , baby  June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 April 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 July 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 December 2011 January 2012 February 2012 March 2012 May 2012 June 2012 August 2012 December 2012 May 2013 June 2013 July 2013 The Romance - Ku Ingin Kamu New Version |
